Emma and Jack Jack

Emma didn't eat her lunch again today. She took one bite, she didn't like it and she left it, went with a hungry stomach for the whole day just because she didn't like the sandwich I made her. Sigh, my stubborn little girl. I was so angry when I saw her lunch box, I started raising my voice. Not only did I worry about her health, angry with her pickiness, I am also sad to see the wasted food. I really hope she will grow out of her pickiness. Hearing me raise my voice and Emma started crying, Derek just said in his annoyed voice "can I have some quietness please?" That just fueled my anger further. Of course, my voice got even louder and Emma got more scared. I went to continue cooking dinner (at the same time, on top of the crying and mommy yelling, Jack Jack has to scream and asked to be picked up, he was hungry). Emma was told to stand at the corner until she stops crying and calmed down. Poor girl. Five minutes later, I hear this little voice whispering, "mommy, I want to pray for you....so you don't get mad.... be nice to me mommy". My heart softened, I picked her up and hugged her tight. We both calmed down. I explained to her why I was angry and we prayed together for patience and love for each other. Meanwhile, dinner was still cooking, Jack Jack had to come pull Emma away as he saw that mommy was holding sister but not him and he was still very hungry....
This is my life, my everyday life. Boring but challenging.

V-day and Family Day

How long has it been? Must have been more than 4 years. It's been more than 4 years since Derek and I went on a trip alone, without kids. Lately, it has been really exhausting. Work has been stressful, kids have been demanding, housework never ending. I felt burn out, trapped, boring. Daily life is just so boring. I thought to myself, is this it? Life is just like this, rush to work, rush home, cook dinner, rush rush rush, sleep... get up and start the rush routine all over again? Where did romance go? Where did excitement go?

More frustrating besides the stressful boring daily life, is to feel neglected and not appreciated. Thank God, my friend bought me a book called "How we love", I think everyone should read this book. It talks about understanding people, people that matter in your lives. It talks about how we become the persons we are today, from our childhood experiences, experiences that are stored in our subconscious memories. It talks about the different personality type or referred to as imprints in the book. The book is absolutely amazing, not only did I find out more about myself and why I react in certain ways, I learnt more and understand more about my own husband, whom I thought I know very well. Also, I learn about how I treat my kids will affect how they turn out as adults, as parents later on in their lives. From my perspective I felt un-loved, un-appreciated; yet, I found out that it was my husband's personality type - or imprints- that prohibited him from showing his compassion. He was just simply not taught to show love. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. The book is good in a way that it doesn't only tell you which imprint you fall into, it talks about how you can overcome your short falls. In short, there's hope. We can all overcome our short falls in our imprints, as long as we understand ourselves and be persistent in trying.

I talked to my husband about how I felt, in honesty and with love. Let him know that I am not trying to change him or pressure him, just want to be able to love him more and be better couple together. Be happier parents to provide happier home to our kids. Thank God, for His grace and mercy, Derek did listen and try to understand even though to him it was very hard.. almost like understanding another language. Derek made the effort of taking me on a 2-day trip to Montreal (mini-Paris as he referred) for a romantic alone getaway. Two-day trip was not a long time but he knew I would miss the kids too much if we went longer (he was right). It was short but it really revive the romantic memories. It revived our feelings for each other. It helped us focus on each other for 2 days, no computer, no work, no kids. After this trip, we both agreed we should have this getaway trip every year, just the two of us.