A surprisingly sweet SMS from hubby

"One day you'll ask me, what's more important to me? You or my life, and I'll say my life and you'll walk out without knowing that you are my life."

After reading this message, I got tears in my eyes. It's been a long while since I get any "romantic" messages from hubby. To prep for the setting, last night we had a fight too. Well, not really a fight just a minor conflict over some minor issue.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life's minute details and get all angry and upset at some minor issues. Of course at the time, we'd think it was the biggest deal. "How unfair!", "How selfish!", "How careless!", "How ridiculous!"....etc. Often, we lose sight of the bigger picture. We forget how much we actually love the other person and how important the other person is to us.

I want to write this down, so one day when I get all upset over some minute details, I will come back to this and remind myself how much we love each other.

Count my blessings

I am truly blessed. Life has never been easy for me from many perspectives; yet the Lord has blessed me and kept me. If it wasn’t for HIS grace and love for me, I must have ended up in a slump somewhere far away in China, if I survived. But today I am here to count my blessings. I want to write this down so that when it comes the day when I am despaired and lost, I can look back on this and remind myself how blessed I am and how faithful the LORD has been to me.
I remember being a fresh grad from University after doing my Masters in Applied Science; I had a hard time finding my first job. I sent out dozens of resumes and waited weeks. Pressure from home and from myself, each waiting day was dreadful. I remember praying, “Whatever you think will be best for me, give me that. Not what I want because it may not be the best”. So I got a few interviews and the only one that made me an offer was Earth Tech (at that time). Although the company was only a few blocks away from where I lived, I never heard of the company and was certainly not impressed with the salary they offered me. I took the job anyway, not like I had a choice. There in my first job, I met the most amazing supervisors and managers. Many of them have left the company now; yet we keep in touch and remain friends. These great teachers taught me many things without reserve; most precious of them all was humility. I learned that it doesn’t matter how much you know and how good you are at your job, you don’t earn respect until you learn humility. Unfortunately, these great people I worked with moved on one by one. I was progressing amazingly fast on my career path with many opportunities. At the same time, stress and the amount of work was competing with my time and energy for my family. Obviously my family is more important to me than my career, so I knew it was time to move on. This time, I pray again. Learned from my experience, I know the LORD knows what’s best for me. Who’s better to prepare a new job for me than HIM? This time, my little girl prayed me with too. We prayed that “God will give mommy a job that is suitable for her and for the family. A job that will allow mommy to spend more time with her little princess Emma” (of course secretly I wished for a job that will have less stress, less responsibilities, yet same or more pay… wishful thinking uh?)
I am glad Emma prayed with me because she witnesses what our God really do for us. And of course HE knows what I secretly wish for even when I didn’t “ask out loud”.
There were many other consultant firms wanting to arrange an interview with me, some even hinted an offer before I met with them. However, I was hesitant because I know what it’s like to work in consultant firms and they somewhat operate the same way no matter where you go. I did apply for a job position at the York Region, but the position I applied for seemed like a big step back for me and the salary range was not attractive at all. On top of that, I’d have to travel all the way to Newmarket everyday. So I didn’t pay too much attention to the application, thinking “I’ll see what happens.” York Region called me back for an interview and I thought “it wouldn’t hurt to get some interview experience”. It was very intense interview. One hour oral interview with two managers and another hour of written exam right after. After the interview, I found that what they are looking for is really what I do best in and that they have really high standards in hiring the right people. To make a long story short, I landed in this job with York Region that allow me to work 2.5 hrs less per week so I can go home earlier to be with my kids, have great benefits and pension plan, pays more than my previous job, have close to no stress and have somewhat less responsibilities.
I feel spoilt and grateful at the same time. I know I complaint a lot about life and how unfair it has been. However, at this point, I know everything has its purpose. I am grateful and thankful not only for the good things that have happened, I am also thankful for the bad things that happened. (note: I am not saying it’s good those things happened) However dreadful and unbearable those times were, they made me the person I am today. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t be thankful today for what I have. I wouldn’t realize how blessed I am, I would have taken things for granted. I personally think that a person needs to be able to give thanks and be grateful in order to be happy.

On top of my smooth career path, I want to give thanks for these two amazing kids I have. Emma, loving and caring. Always listens and obedient, observant and brilliant. Jack, smart and cheerful. You can always count on him to put a smile on your face. When I look at them, I keep thinking to myself “God, your blessings are so good and amazing” What more? My husband, Derek. To many, he is unromantic, and somewhat insensitive. To me, he is the best that God has given me. God has chosen this man for me because HE knows Derek is most suitable for me. Derek is really more amazing than others can see. Most important of all is that he loves me. Many times we face difficulties in our marriage, we pulled it through because we love each other. Things were not resolved based on reasons and logic, which I don’t think will last. Things were “resolved” (or not resolved but settled) because we love each other too much to hold it up against the other person. In closing, I want to quote these verses from the bible to remind myself to look beyond adversities when they do come my way:

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28

Thought of the Day

I do my "Daily Bread" everyday at lunch almost all the time during the week. Today, I want to keep a record of it to remind myself and also share with my friends who happen to read my blog (with my own edits). :)

Western novelist Stephen Bly says that in the days of America’s Old West there were two types of friends (and horses): runners and standers. At the first sign of trouble, the runner would bolt—abandoning you to whatever peril you were facing. But a stander would stick with you no matter the circumstances. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t know which kind of friend you had until trouble came. And then it was too late—unless your friend was a stander.
Rather than being concerned with what kind of friends we have, however, we ought to consider what kind of friends we are. Proverbs tells us that “a friend loves at all times” (17:17). During times of adversity, we need friends we can rely on. When the people we know face trouble, what kind of friend will we be—a runner or a stander?

I think this applies not only to friends, but what kind of parent, husband/ wife we are? At times of trouble, do we stand by our kids, our spouse regardless of how sad and uncomfortable the situations make us feel? For example, one day your kid has an accident and wet his/her pants in a fancy restaurant while you are having the best time of your life with your friends and family, how would you react? Embarrassed? Ashamed of your kid? Or react with love and comfort your kid telling him/ her that it doesn't matter, I will help you with it? I must confess, very often I would react with embarrassment and shame instead of love.

"In times of trouble" does it mean "Big troubles" or even trivial problems in life? Are you willing to be there anyway for "Big and Small" troubles?

Officially the most Horrible mom of the month

I think overall, I am a pretty good mom. I avoid buying take-out for my kids, I cook nice food for them, make sure they are warm and comfortable, try to be there for them whenever I can....etc. I think I generally deserve a "good mom" title.
Things changed after yesterday. Yesterday (Thursday), Emma's school threw a party for all the kids that have birthdays in October. The teachers sent home notes to parents asking for the birthday kids to bring in something for the party. We were assigned to get 20 bags of small size snack chips for Emma to take to school. Wednesday night, I went home really late, and all of a sudden I remembered we need to get the chips for Emma. So I told Derek and Derek said, it's ok, Shoppers Drug Mart closes at midnight, it's only 9:30pm we still have time. Since Derek said he would go out to get it, it got off my mind. Sure enough, Thursday afternoon as I was driving back to work after my appointment, I was thinking about Emma and her birthday party at school then I suddenly remember we didn't go out at all on Wednesday night to get the chips!!!! I felt terrible. How could we forget? I called the school and asked the teacher if the party was over and if I should run and get something to make up for it. The teacher told me the party was already going on and there were plenty of food other parents got for the kids to share. (hmm... so other parents didn't forget).
Haunted by this horrible feeling of being a loser mom, I went home after work. Trying to tell myself to relax and convince myself that I am not that bad a mom. so I went in the shower, as I was thinking to myself "what a relaxing evening today. We will go over to my in-laws for dinner, Emma has martial art class and Derek will pick her up....OOPS, where is JACK!!! I forgot to pick him up!!!" I jumped out of the shower and called Derek. Derek was so worried about me 'cos he called me many times and no one answered (I was in the shower). The school called Derek and asked if anyone was picking up Jack. So Derek was on his way to pick up Jack.
How can I forget about Jack?
That night, Emma told me "mom you forgot to send me stuff to bring to school" (I was secretly hoping she doesn't know about it) and I said "how did you know? who told you?" and Emma said, "everyone told me". OUCH! I felt so bad, I said "I am so sorry Emma, it was my fault. I forgot to get the chips for you and send it to school".... being sweet as always, Emma said "it's not your fault mommy, don't worry about it. it's ok".

So yes, I have only two kids and I already forgot both of them. I think that makes me the worst mom of the month. Sigh.

誤會, 釘子, 且慢下手, 寬大

I want to share with you and also keep these stories as reminder for myself. Touching and heart breaking at the same time.

1.誤會 :

早年在美國阿拉斯加地方，有一對年輕人結婚，婚後生育，

他的太太因難產而死，遺下一孩子。

他忙生活，又忙於看家，因沒有人幫忙看孩子，就訓練一隻狗，

那狗聰明聽話，能照顧小孩，咬著奶瓶餵奶給孩子喝，撫養孩子。

有一天，主人出門去了，叫牠照顧孩子。

他到了別的鄉村，因遇大雪，當日不能回來。

第二天才趕回家，狗立即聞聲出來迎接主人。

他把房門開一看，到處是血，

抬頭一望，床上也是血，孩子不見了，狗在身邊，滿口也是血，

主人發現這種情形，以為狗性發作，把孩子吃掉了，

大怒之下，拿起刀來向著狗頭一劈，把狗殺死了。

之後，忽然聽到孩子的聲音，又見他從床下爬了出來，

於是抱起孩子；雖然身上有血，但並未受傷。

他很奇怪，不知究竟是怎麼一回事，再看看狗身，

腿上的肉沒有了，旁邊有一隻狼，口裡還咬著狗的肉；

狗救了小主人，卻被主人誤殺了，這真是天下最令人驚奇的誤會。

註：誤會的事，是人往往在不瞭解、無理智、無耐心、缺少思考、

未能多方體諒對方，反省自己，感情極為衝動的情況之下所發生。

誤會一開始，即一直只想到對方的千錯萬錯；

因此，會使誤會越陷越深，

弄到不可收拾的地步，人對無知的動物小狗發生誤會，

尚且會有如此可怕 嚴 重的後果，這樣人與人之間的誤會，

則其後果更是難以想像。

2.釘子 :

有一個男孩有著很壞的脾氣，於是他的父親就給了他一袋釘子；

並且告訴他，每當他發脾氣的時候就釘一根釘子在後院的圍籬上。

第一天，這個男孩釘下了37根釘子。慢慢地每天釘下的數量減少了。

他發現控制自己的脾氣要比釘下那些釘子來得容易些。

終於有一天這個男孩再也不會失去耐性亂發脾氣，

他告訴他的父親這件事，

父親告訴他，現在開始每當他能控制自己的脾氣的時候，

就拔出一根釘子。

一天天地過去了，最後男孩告訴他的父親，

他終於把所有釘子都拔出來了。

父親握著他的手來到後院說：你做得很好，我的好孩子。

但是看看那些圍籬上的洞，這些圍籬將永遠不能回復成從前。

你生氣的時候說的話將像這些釘子一樣留下疤痕。

如果你拿刀子捅別人一刀，不管你說了多少次對不起，

那個傷口將永遠存在。

話語的傷痛就像真實的傷痛一樣令人無法承受。

註：人與人之間常常因為一些彼此無法釋懷的堅持，

而造成永遠的傷害。

如果我們都能從自己做起，開始寬容地看待他人，

相信你一定能收到許多意想不到的結果....幫別人開啟一扇窗，

也就是讓自己看到更完整的天空....

3.且慢下手 :

大多數的同仁都很興奮，因為單位裡調來一位新主管，據說是個能人，

專門被派來整頓業務；可是日一天天過去，新主管卻毫無作為，

每天彬彬有禮進辦公室，便躲在裡面難得出門，

那些本來緊張得要死的壞份子，現在反而更猖獗了。

「他那裡是個能人嘛！根本是個老好人，比以前的主管更容易唬！」

四個月過去，就在真正努力為新主管感到失望時，

新主管卻發威了－－壞份子一律開革，能人則獲得晉昇。

下手之快，斷事之準，與四月表現保守的他，簡直像是全然換個人。

年終聚餐時，新主管在酒過三巡之後致詞：

「相信大家對我新到任期間的表現，和後來的大刀闊斧，

一定感到不解，

現在聽我說個故事，各位就明白了：「我有位朋友，

買了棟帶著大院的房子，

他一搬進去，就將那院子全面整頓，雜草樹一律清除，

改種自己新買的花卉，

某日原先的屋主往訪，進門大吃一驚的問：

『那最名貴的牡丹哪裡去了？』

我這位朋友才發現，他竟然把牡丹當草給剷了。

後來他又買了一棟房子，雖然院子更是雜亂，他卻是按兵不動，

果然冬天以為是雜樹的植物，春天裡開了繁花；

春天以為是野草的，夏天裡成了錦蔟；半年都沒有動靜的小樹，

秋天居然紅了葉。

直到暮秋，它才真正認清哪些是無用的植物，而大力剷除，

並使所有珍貴的草木得以保存。」說到這兒，主管舉起杯來：

「讓我敬在座的每一位，因為如果這辦公室是個花園，

你們就都是其間的珍木，

珍木不可能一年到頭開花結果，只有經過長期的觀察才認得出啊！

　

4.寬大 :

這是一個甫自越戰歸來的士兵的故事。

他從舊金山打電話給他的父母，告訴他們：

「爸媽，我回來了，可是我有個不情之請。

我想帶一個朋友同我一起回家。」「當然好啊！」他們回答「我們會很高興見到的。」

不過兒子又繼續下去「可是有件事我想先告訴你們，

他在越戰裡受了重傷，少了一條胳臂和一隻腳，他現在走投無路，

我想請他回來和我們一起生活。」

「兒子，我很遺撼，不過或許我們可以幫他找個安身之處。」

父親又接著說「兒子，你不知道自己在說些什麼。

像他這樣殘障的人會對我們的生活造成很大的負擔。

我們還有自己的生活要過，不能就讓他這樣破壞了。

我建議你先回家然後忘了他，他會找到自己的一片天空的。」

就在此時卻l掛上了電話，他的父母再也沒有他的消息了。

幾天後，這對父母接到了來自舊金山警局的電話，

告訴他們親愛的兒子已經墜樓身亡了。

警方相信這只是單純的自殺案件。

於是他們傷心欲絕地飛往舊金山，

並在警方帶領之下到停屍間去辨認兒子的遺體。

那的確是他們的兒子沒錯，但驚訝的是兒子居然，

只有一條胳臂和一條腿。

故事中的父母就和我們大多數人一樣。

要去喜愛面貌姣好或談吐風趣的人很容易，

但是要喜歡那些造成我們不便和不快的人卻太難了。

我們總是寧願和那些不如我們健康，美麗或聰明的人保持距離。

然而有些人卻不會對我們如此殘酷。

他們會無怨無悔地愛我們，不論我們多麼糟總是願意接納我們。

今晚在你入睡之前，請試著去接納他人，

不論他們是怎麼樣的人；請用心去了解那些不同於我們的人。

每個人的心裡都藏著一種神奇的東西稱為「友情」，

你不知道它究竟是如何發生何時發生，

但你卻知道它總會帶給我們特殊的禮物。

朋友就像是稀奇的寶物。他們帶來歡笑，激勵我們成功。

他們傾聽我們內心的話，與我們分享每一句讚美。

他們的心房永遠為我們而敞開。現在就告訴你的朋友你有多在乎他們。

May I borrow $25

I was heating my lunch today in the lunch room, and saw this posted on the bulletin board... I was crushed after reading it. I hope you will enjoy reading it too.

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

My little baby Part II

Yesterday, I took Jack to the pediatrician who gave him some medicine that will clear his congestion and help with the cough. After seeing the doctor, I took Jack to the bakery and got him a piece of sponge cake, which he loves. We got home early, so I cooked him U-don noodle, which is his & Emma's favorite food for dinner. He ate very nicely, we had a good time together watching Dora and reading books. Then came 8pm, Jack was very sleepy and start rolling on the floor. I thought it would be good to put him to bed.
I tried every method you can think of. All the methods you read in books and watch on TV, I tried, and Jack still wouldn't go to bed. He would climb out of his crib, come out and keep crying. He wanted me to sleep with him on the sofa, just like the night before when he wasn't feeling well. The battle went on until 11:30pm. Derek suggested that he stand by the wall until he is willing to go to bed. So he stood there for about 2 hours. YES, 2 hours and he insisted mommy sleeps with him. By 11:30pm, he suddenly crash and fell asleep on the floor. That's when I picked him up and put him to bed. He slept through until 8:20am this morning.
It was an heart-breaking experience. If it wasn't for Derek's encouragement and persistence, I would've given in. Watching my little baby cry with his half opened eyes... it was heart-breaking. One thing I know, Jack is a very headstrong kid and given the right motivation he will persevere until the end.