A surprisingly sweet SMS from hubby

"One day you'll ask me, what's more important to me? You or my life, and I'll say my life and you'll walk out without knowing that you are my life."

After reading this message, I got tears in my eyes. It's been a long while since I get any "romantic" messages from hubby. To prep for the setting, last night we had a fight too. Well, not really a fight just a minor conflict over some minor issue.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life's minute details and get all angry and upset at some minor issues. Of course at the time, we'd think it was the biggest deal. "How unfair!", "How selfish!", "How careless!", "How ridiculous!"....etc. Often, we lose sight of the bigger picture. We forget how much we actually love the other person and how important the other person is to us.

I want to write this down, so one day when I get all upset over some minute details, I will come back to this and remind myself how much we love each other.

Count my blessings

I am truly blessed. Life has never been easy for me from many perspectives; yet the Lord has blessed me and kept me. If it wasn’t for HIS grace and love for me, I must have ended up in a slump somewhere far away in China, if I survived. But today I am here to count my blessings. I want to write this down so that when it comes the day when I am despaired and lost, I can look back on this and remind myself how blessed I am and how faithful the LORD has been to me.
I remember being a fresh grad from University after doing my Masters in Applied Science; I had a hard time finding my first job. I sent out dozens of resumes and waited weeks. Pressure from home and from myself, each waiting day was dreadful. I remember praying, “Whatever you think will be best for me, give me that. Not what I want because it may not be the best”. So I got a few interviews and the only one that made me an offer was Earth Tech (at that time). Although the company was only a few blocks away from where I lived, I never heard of the company and was certainly not impressed with the salary they offered me. I took the job anyway, not like I had a choice. There in my first job, I met the most amazing supervisors and managers. Many of them have left the company now; yet we keep in touch and remain friends. These great teachers taught me many things without reserve; most precious of them all was humility. I learned that it doesn’t matter how much you know and how good you are at your job, you don’t earn respect until you learn humility. Unfortunately, these great people I worked with moved on one by one. I was progressing amazingly fast on my career path with many opportunities. At the same time, stress and the amount of work was competing with my time and energy for my family. Obviously my family is more important to me than my career, so I knew it was time to move on. This time, I pray again. Learned from my experience, I know the LORD knows what’s best for me. Who’s better to prepare a new job for me than HIM? This time, my little girl prayed me with too. We prayed that “God will give mommy a job that is suitable for her and for the family. A job that will allow mommy to spend more time with her little princess Emma” (of course secretly I wished for a job that will have less stress, less responsibilities, yet same or more pay… wishful thinking uh?)
I am glad Emma prayed with me because she witnesses what our God really do for us. And of course HE knows what I secretly wish for even when I didn’t “ask out loud”.
There were many other consultant firms wanting to arrange an interview with me, some even hinted an offer before I met with them. However, I was hesitant because I know what it’s like to work in consultant firms and they somewhat operate the same way no matter where you go. I did apply for a job position at the York Region, but the position I applied for seemed like a big step back for me and the salary range was not attractive at all. On top of that, I’d have to travel all the way to Newmarket everyday. So I didn’t pay too much attention to the application, thinking “I’ll see what happens.” York Region called me back for an interview and I thought “it wouldn’t hurt to get some interview experience”. It was very intense interview. One hour oral interview with two managers and another hour of written exam right after. After the interview, I found that what they are looking for is really what I do best in and that they have really high standards in hiring the right people. To make a long story short, I landed in this job with York Region that allow me to work 2.5 hrs less per week so I can go home earlier to be with my kids, have great benefits and pension plan, pays more than my previous job, have close to no stress and have somewhat less responsibilities.
I feel spoilt and grateful at the same time. I know I complaint a lot about life and how unfair it has been. However, at this point, I know everything has its purpose. I am grateful and thankful not only for the good things that have happened, I am also thankful for the bad things that happened. (note: I am not saying it’s good those things happened) However dreadful and unbearable those times were, they made me the person I am today. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t be thankful today for what I have. I wouldn’t realize how blessed I am, I would have taken things for granted. I personally think that a person needs to be able to give thanks and be grateful in order to be happy.

On top of my smooth career path, I want to give thanks for these two amazing kids I have. Emma, loving and caring. Always listens and obedient, observant and brilliant. Jack, smart and cheerful. You can always count on him to put a smile on your face. When I look at them, I keep thinking to myself “God, your blessings are so good and amazing” What more? My husband, Derek. To many, he is unromantic, and somewhat insensitive. To me, he is the best that God has given me. God has chosen this man for me because HE knows Derek is most suitable for me. Derek is really more amazing than others can see. Most important of all is that he loves me. Many times we face difficulties in our marriage, we pulled it through because we love each other. Things were not resolved based on reasons and logic, which I don’t think will last. Things were “resolved” (or not resolved but settled) because we love each other too much to hold it up against the other person. In closing, I want to quote these verses from the bible to remind myself to look beyond adversities when they do come my way:

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28

Thought of the Day

I do my "Daily Bread" everyday at lunch almost all the time during the week. Today, I want to keep a record of it to remind myself and also share with my friends who happen to read my blog (with my own edits). :)

Western novelist Stephen Bly says that in the days of America’s Old West there were two types of friends (and horses): runners and standers. At the first sign of trouble, the runner would bolt—abandoning you to whatever peril you were facing. But a stander would stick with you no matter the circumstances. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t know which kind of friend you had until trouble came. And then it was too late—unless your friend was a stander.
Rather than being concerned with what kind of friends we have, however, we ought to consider what kind of friends we are. Proverbs tells us that “a friend loves at all times” (17:17). During times of adversity, we need friends we can rely on. When the people we know face trouble, what kind of friend will we be—a runner or a stander?

I think this applies not only to friends, but what kind of parent, husband/ wife we are? At times of trouble, do we stand by our kids, our spouse regardless of how sad and uncomfortable the situations make us feel? For example, one day your kid has an accident and wet his/her pants in a fancy restaurant while you are having the best time of your life with your friends and family, how would you react? Embarrassed? Ashamed of your kid? Or react with love and comfort your kid telling him/ her that it doesn't matter, I will help you with it? I must confess, very often I would react with embarrassment and shame instead of love.

"In times of trouble" does it mean "Big troubles" or even trivial problems in life? Are you willing to be there anyway for "Big and Small" troubles?

Officially the most Horrible mom of the month

I think overall, I am a pretty good mom. I avoid buying take-out for my kids, I cook nice food for them, make sure they are warm and comfortable, try to be there for them whenever I can....etc. I think I generally deserve a "good mom" title.
Things changed after yesterday. Yesterday (Thursday), Emma's school threw a party for all the kids that have birthdays in October. The teachers sent home notes to parents asking for the birthday kids to bring in something for the party. We were assigned to get 20 bags of small size snack chips for Emma to take to school. Wednesday night, I went home really late, and all of a sudden I remembered we need to get the chips for Emma. So I told Derek and Derek said, it's ok, Shoppers Drug Mart closes at midnight, it's only 9:30pm we still have time. Since Derek said he would go out to get it, it got off my mind. Sure enough, Thursday afternoon as I was driving back to work after my appointment, I was thinking about Emma and her birthday party at school then I suddenly remember we didn't go out at all on Wednesday night to get the chips!!!! I felt terrible. How could we forget? I called the school and asked the teacher if the party was over and if I should run and get something to make up for it. The teacher told me the party was already going on and there were plenty of food other parents got for the kids to share. (hmm... so other parents didn't forget).
Haunted by this horrible feeling of being a loser mom, I went home after work. Trying to tell myself to relax and convince myself that I am not that bad a mom. so I went in the shower, as I was thinking to myself "what a relaxing evening today. We will go over to my in-laws for dinner, Emma has martial art class and Derek will pick her up....OOPS, where is JACK!!! I forgot to pick him up!!!" I jumped out of the shower and called Derek. Derek was so worried about me 'cos he called me many times and no one answered (I was in the shower). The school called Derek and asked if anyone was picking up Jack. So Derek was on his way to pick up Jack.
How can I forget about Jack?
That night, Emma told me "mom you forgot to send me stuff to bring to school" (I was secretly hoping she doesn't know about it) and I said "how did you know? who told you?" and Emma said, "everyone told me". OUCH! I felt so bad, I said "I am so sorry Emma, it was my fault. I forgot to get the chips for you and send it to school".... being sweet as always, Emma said "it's not your fault mommy, don't worry about it. it's ok".

So yes, I have only two kids and I already forgot both of them. I think that makes me the worst mom of the month. Sigh.

誤會, 釘子, 且慢下手, 寬大

I want to share with you and also keep these stories as reminder for myself. Touching and heart breaking at the same time.

1.誤會 :

早年在美國阿拉斯加地方，有一對年輕人結婚，婚後生育，

他的太太因難產而死，遺下一孩子。

他忙生活，又忙於看家，因沒有人幫忙看孩子，就訓練一隻狗，

那狗聰明聽話，能照顧小孩，咬著奶瓶餵奶給孩子喝，撫養孩子。

有一天，主人出門去了，叫牠照顧孩子。

他到了別的鄉村，因遇大雪，當日不能回來。

第二天才趕回家，狗立即聞聲出來迎接主人。

他把房門開一看，到處是血，

抬頭一望，床上也是血，孩子不見了，狗在身邊，滿口也是血，

主人發現這種情形，以為狗性發作，把孩子吃掉了，

大怒之下，拿起刀來向著狗頭一劈，把狗殺死了。

之後，忽然聽到孩子的聲音，又見他從床下爬了出來，

於是抱起孩子；雖然身上有血，但並未受傷。

他很奇怪，不知究竟是怎麼一回事，再看看狗身，

腿上的肉沒有了，旁邊有一隻狼，口裡還咬著狗的肉；

狗救了小主人，卻被主人誤殺了，這真是天下最令人驚奇的誤會。

註：誤會的事，是人往往在不瞭解、無理智、無耐心、缺少思考、

未能多方體諒對方，反省自己，感情極為衝動的情況之下所發生。

誤會一開始，即一直只想到對方的千錯萬錯；

因此，會使誤會越陷越深，

弄到不可收拾的地步，人對無知的動物小狗發生誤會，

尚且會有如此可怕 嚴 重的後果，這樣人與人之間的誤會，

則其後果更是難以想像。

2.釘子 :

有一個男孩有著很壞的脾氣，於是他的父親就給了他一袋釘子；

並且告訴他，每當他發脾氣的時候就釘一根釘子在後院的圍籬上。

第一天，這個男孩釘下了37根釘子。慢慢地每天釘下的數量減少了。

他發現控制自己的脾氣要比釘下那些釘子來得容易些。

終於有一天這個男孩再也不會失去耐性亂發脾氣，

他告訴他的父親這件事，

父親告訴他，現在開始每當他能控制自己的脾氣的時候，

就拔出一根釘子。

一天天地過去了，最後男孩告訴他的父親，

他終於把所有釘子都拔出來了。

父親握著他的手來到後院說：你做得很好，我的好孩子。

但是看看那些圍籬上的洞，這些圍籬將永遠不能回復成從前。

你生氣的時候說的話將像這些釘子一樣留下疤痕。

如果你拿刀子捅別人一刀，不管你說了多少次對不起，

那個傷口將永遠存在。

話語的傷痛就像真實的傷痛一樣令人無法承受。

註：人與人之間常常因為一些彼此無法釋懷的堅持，

而造成永遠的傷害。

如果我們都能從自己做起，開始寬容地看待他人，

相信你一定能收到許多意想不到的結果....幫別人開啟一扇窗，

也就是讓自己看到更完整的天空....

3.且慢下手 :

大多數的同仁都很興奮，因為單位裡調來一位新主管，據說是個能人，

專門被派來整頓業務；可是日一天天過去，新主管卻毫無作為，

每天彬彬有禮進辦公室，便躲在裡面難得出門，

那些本來緊張得要死的壞份子，現在反而更猖獗了。

「他那裡是個能人嘛！根本是個老好人，比以前的主管更容易唬！」

四個月過去，就在真正努力為新主管感到失望時，

新主管卻發威了－－壞份子一律開革，能人則獲得晉昇。

下手之快，斷事之準，與四月表現保守的他，簡直像是全然換個人。

年終聚餐時，新主管在酒過三巡之後致詞：

「相信大家對我新到任期間的表現，和後來的大刀闊斧，

一定感到不解，

現在聽我說個故事，各位就明白了：「我有位朋友，

買了棟帶著大院的房子，

他一搬進去，就將那院子全面整頓，雜草樹一律清除，

改種自己新買的花卉，

某日原先的屋主往訪，進門大吃一驚的問：

『那最名貴的牡丹哪裡去了？』

我這位朋友才發現，他竟然把牡丹當草給剷了。

後來他又買了一棟房子，雖然院子更是雜亂，他卻是按兵不動，

果然冬天以為是雜樹的植物，春天裡開了繁花；

春天以為是野草的，夏天裡成了錦蔟；半年都沒有動靜的小樹，

秋天居然紅了葉。

直到暮秋，它才真正認清哪些是無用的植物，而大力剷除，

並使所有珍貴的草木得以保存。」說到這兒，主管舉起杯來：

「讓我敬在座的每一位，因為如果這辦公室是個花園，

你們就都是其間的珍木，

珍木不可能一年到頭開花結果，只有經過長期的觀察才認得出啊！

　

4.寬大 :

這是一個甫自越戰歸來的士兵的故事。

他從舊金山打電話給他的父母，告訴他們：

「爸媽，我回來了，可是我有個不情之請。

我想帶一個朋友同我一起回家。」「當然好啊！」他們回答「我們會很高興見到的。」

不過兒子又繼續下去「可是有件事我想先告訴你們，

他在越戰裡受了重傷，少了一條胳臂和一隻腳，他現在走投無路，

我想請他回來和我們一起生活。」

「兒子，我很遺撼，不過或許我們可以幫他找個安身之處。」

父親又接著說「兒子，你不知道自己在說些什麼。

像他這樣殘障的人會對我們的生活造成很大的負擔。

我們還有自己的生活要過，不能就讓他這樣破壞了。

我建議你先回家然後忘了他，他會找到自己的一片天空的。」

就在此時卻l掛上了電話，他的父母再也沒有他的消息了。

幾天後，這對父母接到了來自舊金山警局的電話，

告訴他們親愛的兒子已經墜樓身亡了。

警方相信這只是單純的自殺案件。

於是他們傷心欲絕地飛往舊金山，

並在警方帶領之下到停屍間去辨認兒子的遺體。

那的確是他們的兒子沒錯，但驚訝的是兒子居然，

只有一條胳臂和一條腿。

故事中的父母就和我們大多數人一樣。

要去喜愛面貌姣好或談吐風趣的人很容易，

但是要喜歡那些造成我們不便和不快的人卻太難了。

我們總是寧願和那些不如我們健康，美麗或聰明的人保持距離。

然而有些人卻不會對我們如此殘酷。

他們會無怨無悔地愛我們，不論我們多麼糟總是願意接納我們。

今晚在你入睡之前，請試著去接納他人，

不論他們是怎麼樣的人；請用心去了解那些不同於我們的人。

每個人的心裡都藏著一種神奇的東西稱為「友情」，

你不知道它究竟是如何發生何時發生，

但你卻知道它總會帶給我們特殊的禮物。

朋友就像是稀奇的寶物。他們帶來歡笑，激勵我們成功。

他們傾聽我們內心的話，與我們分享每一句讚美。

他們的心房永遠為我們而敞開。現在就告訴你的朋友你有多在乎他們。

May I borrow $25

I was heating my lunch today in the lunch room, and saw this posted on the bulletin board... I was crushed after reading it. I hope you will enjoy reading it too.

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

My little baby Part II

Yesterday, I took Jack to the pediatrician who gave him some medicine that will clear his congestion and help with the cough. After seeing the doctor, I took Jack to the bakery and got him a piece of sponge cake, which he loves. We got home early, so I cooked him U-don noodle, which is his & Emma's favorite food for dinner. He ate very nicely, we had a good time together watching Dora and reading books. Then came 8pm, Jack was very sleepy and start rolling on the floor. I thought it would be good to put him to bed.
I tried every method you can think of. All the methods you read in books and watch on TV, I tried, and Jack still wouldn't go to bed. He would climb out of his crib, come out and keep crying. He wanted me to sleep with him on the sofa, just like the night before when he wasn't feeling well. The battle went on until 11:30pm. Derek suggested that he stand by the wall until he is willing to go to bed. So he stood there for about 2 hours. YES, 2 hours and he insisted mommy sleeps with him. By 11:30pm, he suddenly crash and fell asleep on the floor. That's when I picked him up and put him to bed. He slept through until 8:20am this morning.
It was an heart-breaking experience. If it wasn't for Derek's encouragement and persistence, I would've given in. Watching my little baby cry with his half opened eyes... it was heart-breaking. One thing I know, Jack is a very headstrong kid and given the right motivation he will persevere until the end.

My little baby

Jack is not feeling well. He was coughing the whole night last night and couldn't sleep well. He would try to sleep and then wake up coughing badly. My poor baby. The only comfort he finds was with mommy holding him, patting on his back and walking around. So we sat on the sofa the whole night, drifting off to sleep from time to time and when he coughed, mommy would pat on his back and Jack would drift back to sleep. I guess this is the time when Jack learns that he can trust mommy to be there for him whenever he needs her. This is the bonding time. I keep on imagining 10, 15 years from now, when Jack is all grown up, will I still have a chance to hold him like this? To give him support whenever he needs it. Maybe 20-30 years from now, he would be the one patting my back when I cough.

Thought for the Day

Have you thought about the things/ people that matter the most to you?
Have you thought about how much time you spend doing those important things or time with those important people?

What do you think is least important in your life?
How much time do you spend doing those "least important" things?

How much time do you spend watching TV, playing video games?
How much time do you spend with your family? (i.e. spouse, parents, children)

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn to respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

-- by Dorothy Law Nolte

Princess Emma and Prince Jack Jack Part II

Tuesday nights, Emma has ballet lessons and usually Mommy will take Emma to the ballet lesson and then go grocery shopping in the meantime.
Mommy took Prince Jack Jack along once, thinking he might like some alone time with Mommy. It turned out that Prince Jack Jack wouldn't leave the ballet studio and had to stand at the door watching other kids take ballet lessons. He would immitate their moves and keep knocking on the door asking the teacher to let him in. After that exhausting experience, mommy learnt her lesson and keeps Prince Jack Jack at home with King Daddy. On Tuesday night, while mommy was out with Emma, Prince Jack Jack was at home with King Daddy and had a real bad accident. Prince Jack Jack forgot that mommy was out with Emma, so he tried looking everywhere for mommy. Climbed up the stairs desperately and ... slipped ... bit his tonge and scraped his knees. Luckily he didn't fall all the way down the steep staircase but King daddy said the bleeding on his tongue took a long time to stop. The day after that, whenver Prince Jack Jack eats, his tongue would start bleeding again. Of course after that traumatic experience, Prince Jack Jack wakes up 1-2 times at night. On top of that, mommy took Emma out for a walk on Wednesday night without him... another traumatic experience... Prince Jack Jack is just going nuts at night.
Mommy is so exhausted from waking up at night, so at 3:30am Thursday, mommy couldn't help but let out on Prince Jack Jack telling him how tired she was and he needed to let her go back to sleep.
Prince Jack Jack, usually screams and cries and kicks when things don't go his way and when mommy "sounds mean". But this time, he just kept quiet, crawled up slowly onto mommy and rub his face on mommy's cheek. Hugged mommy really tight and fell asleep on mommy.
Mommy felt sooooo guilty, thinking "he probably will not hug me like this very soon. And so I have to wake up but this is my quality time with my precious prince. This is our own private time together"...

Princess Emma and Prince Jack Jack

First, let's start with Princess Emma.

Princess Emma likes to talk. Whenever mommy asks her to stop talking for a minute, she'd stop for barely one second and start talking again. When mommy doesn't respond, Emma keeps asking "Mommy? Mommy? are you listening? Mommy? Mommy?....M...." until mommy gives in. Princess Emma can talk consecutively without break for at least 15 minutes. Then maybe a sip of water and start all over again. What she talks about? "what's that sign we just passed?", "I love princesses and I wish I can be one", "When can we go to Wonderland again?", "what's for dinner tonight?", "why can't I eat noodles every night?", "can I go to Chloe's house?", "you know I really like that skirt of yours, can you keep it for me?".... YES, 90% of her "talking" is asking mommy questions. It's irritating enough when mommy is driving in afternoon peak hour traffic trying to weave through the traffic quickly to get home and make dinner, it's even worse when Jack Jack is around because Princess Emma's talking becomes "Mommy, Jack Jack took my toy without asking!", "mommy, Jack Jack hits me", "mommy, Jack Jack pushed me", "mommy, Jack Jack is climbing up the stairs"....etc. What is mommy doing at the same time? Mommy is trying to cook, wash dishes, do laundry, bath Jack Jack...etc. Mixed in with Emma's "inquiries" and "complaints" is Prince Jack Jack's screaming, crying, and hanging on mommy's leg.

So yesterday, after dinner, mommy suddenly had an idea. Mommy finished washing dishes, grab Princess Emma and went out for a walk. Yes, leaving behind Prince Jack Jack, whose screaming and crying broke mommy's heart but mommy left with Princess Emma anyway.

It was a 20min walk (or less), mommy devoted 100% attention to listening to Princess Emma and suddenly she realised Princess Emma is telling her what happened at school. They had a magician came in to entertain the kids, Princess Emma told her all the little details about the magician's tricks... and for the FIRST TIME asked mommy, "so mommy, how was your day? what did you do at work today?" It turned out to be a TWO-WAY conversation, not just "one-way talking, you answer me". Mommy felt so guilty about leaving Prince Jack Jack behind (with King Daddy) but it was good quality time with Princess Emma.



What happened with Prince Jack Jack?... to be continued....

Mid-Life Crisis

I have been contemplating if I should write about this. It sounds really silly yet I think everyone (if not every women/ every mom) goes through this at some point in their lives. And so I am 32, yup, no secret. I am 32 , married, a working mom of two kids ages 2 and 5. I wake up, repeat the same old routine each day. Have the same (or at least look almost the same) hair style for the last 3 years, wear the same clothes/ same style of clothes for the past decade (still can wear some clothes bought back from early university years, yup no kidding)... all of a sudden I start to wonder, what's more in life? is this it?

Starting with one single thought, then a chain of events happened.
1. I started cleaning out my closet and determined to give away "older" clothes even the ones in perfect condition or haven't been worn that much.
2. I chopped off my long hair and perm it!! Now hold your imagination... it is not that "oriental old lady cauliflower hair style" you are thinking of. It's more a Bob hair style.
3. Went for a facial. (I haven't gone for at least 2 years and the package coupon of 13 sessions I bought from year 2003 still has 6 sessions left)
4. Went into a shopping spree phase for the past 2 weeks. Went downtown to shop on Queen W (which I haven't done in the past 5 years). Went and bought a new make-up set (which I haven't done in the past 3 years)
5. Signed up for a ladies only Boot Camp

Conclusion: I am convinced I am going through what is known as "Mid-life crisis"

Results:
1. Everyone likes my new hair style (which makes me like it. I didn't like at all at first)
2. Everyone thinks I look better and start asking me what I did. (just people from work though, my hubby doesn't seem to notice)
3. I feel better about myself.
4. Nearly broke from all the spending.
5. Have some insightful thinking.

I think I am done with my "mid-life crisis make-over", although my girl friend told me "the shopping and the make over is never done!!!", at least I feel like I am done for now. I don't think it is all the "things" I bought that make me happier. I think it is the "time" I spent for myself and on my own that makes me feel better. When I am out shopping or doing my own things, I missed my kids and wonder how my hubby manages with them. I still cannot stop myself from getting things for my kids, especially for my beautiful daughter, when I shop. Yet, I am glad I did go out. Then I found out:
1. My hubby does very well without me
2. My kids can survive (at least for a short while) without me
3. When I do see them again I am less grumpy and tend to think more rationally when they throw a fit.
4. Found out more about my girl friends and their lives, which puts me back into perspective that everyone goes through sort of the same problems in life, not just me and I am doing not too bad.
5. I can still look pretty.
6. I must get over this Mid-life crisis and the crazy shopping phase before I get totally broke and my hubby finds out how much I spent!!!
7. Life is still good.

Friends

John Chrysostom's insights on the value of friends: “Such is friendship, that through it we love places and seasons; for as . . . flowers drop their sweet leaves on the ground around them, so friends impart favor even to the places where they dwell. With friends even poverty is pleasant. . . . It would be better for us that the sun were exhausted than that we should be without friends.”

I was going out with my girlfriends last weekend. Counting our fingers... we have known each other for almost 2 decades!! We don't see each other much, we don't even talk much but when we met up, it was like old days all over again. We went shopping, and we would pick out clothes for each other saying "that's your style"... we seem to know each other better than we know ourselves.

"A friend is the first person who comes in when the whole world has gone out."... this is so true. I am so blessed to have such good friends.

Life, Love, Chocolate

This is what I read today and found it a very good reminder:
"It was the morning of his ninth wedding anniversary. Not having a lot of money, the writer ran out to get his wife, Heidi, their favorite French pastry—pain au chocolat. After sprinting several miles, he arrived home, exhausted, to find her in the kitchen just pulling a chocolate-filled croissant out of the oven. It was pain au chocolat.
That husband, Jeff, compared his life with Heidi to the lives of the people in O. Henry’s short story “Gift of the Magi.” It tells of a man who sold his lone possession of value—a pocket watch—to buy hair combs for his wife, who had sold her long, beautiful hair to buy a gold chain for his watch."

Life, love, and chocolate taste better when shared with others!! Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up with tedious daily routine. Relationships become dull and life becomes dull too. But let us not forget how to love.

My Little Prince

Once upon a time there is a Little Prince, his name is Jack Jack. Prince Jack Jack is a very active boy - he climbs, he jumps, he pulls, he ripes, he bumps, he screams, he cries, he runs, he giggles, he laughs.... He is one stubborn little prince that needs a lot of patience, love and discipline.

Since the birth of Prince Jack Jack, mommy has quite intensive vocal exercises since she needs to scream/ yell from far away to stop Prince Jack Jack from doing silly and dangerous activities such as - climbing up to the table and jumping down, somersault on sofa (landed once on his head on the hardwood floor, thank God he wasn't badly hurt besides the big bruise on his head), and running full speed and knocking Princess Emma over. Whenever Prince Jack Jack is around, mommy needs to pay 120% attention, which has trained mommy to have supersonic hearing. Sometimes at the middle of the night, mommy can even wake up 5 seconds before Prince Jack Jack starts to cry (note with both mommy and Prince Jack Jack's bedroom doors closed). Besides the vocal and hearing exercises, mommy has also mastered sprinting. You see, mommy must out run Prince Jack Jack to prevent him from running into danger. One example would be the moment Prince Jack Jack gets unstrapped from the car seat and land on the ground. He would struggle off mommy's grip and dashes off into the parking lot, which is EXTREMELY dangerous. Most of the time, mommy could hang on to Prince Jack Jack's arm (thanks to mommy's nice tennis grip) but once in a while, Prince Jack Jack would succeed and dashes off. In such cases, mommy would be able to sprint in world record speed and retrieve Prince Jack Jack.
20 months after the arrival of Prince Jack Jack, mommy has become almost "super human" and also grown 10 years older due to the lack of sleep, rest and much added stress. Sometimes mommy even misses those days when she was free, relaxed, well rested.......

Then something amazing happened one day......
One night, at 1:34am, Prince Jack Jack cried and screamed at the top of his lungs for mommy... as usual, zombie mommy dragged her tired body into Prince Jack Jack's room, carried him from his crib down the stairs and into the kitchen.... pull out the mid-night magic - "Cheerio" pour it into Prince Jack Jack's bowl, sit his majesty down on his table and Prince Jack Jack started settling down to eat his favorite food... while zombie mommy is sitting half asleep beside Prince Jack Jack, Prince Jack Jack suddenly turned to look at mommy with a big grin on his face and said "Ma Ma, Yeah! Yeah!" and at the same time pumping his little arms like he is cheering for mommy for all her hard work. Mommy instantly woke up, sleepiness all gone... grab Prince Jack Jack and kissed him non-stop for at least a minute.

From then one, Prince Jack Jack has been throwing little surprises like that to mommy once in a while to cheer mommy up. Yesterday, Prince Jack Jack also did something impressive. Mommy was tidying things up as usual after dinner. While mommy was kneeling down on the floor tiding up the garbage bags to take outside, mommy felt a little tuck behind her... as she turned, she saw Prince Jack Jack has brought her the little stool to sit on (his favorite stool that he takes with him everywhere). "It's ALL worth it" mommy thought.

This is how the story of My Little Prince begins....

My Day Off

Today, my princess Emma is sick. Since last night, she has been having a fever. Apparently many children are having this "fever-cough" thing these two weeks. Due to the H1N1 panic, I immediate take the day off and took Emma to see the pediatrician. He said Emma is fine, just stay home, drink lots of fluid and keep on taking Advil to control the fever. I asked him if she has H1N1, not that she has been out of town, but who knows where the kids from her class has been to?! The doctor told me it's hard to say, nowadays, it doesn't really matter because H1N1 is actually just like any other flu, just keep an eye on her and keep her at home. As long as it doesn't get severe, she should be able to fight it off like any other flu.

Feeling relieved, I thought why not take advantage of today and relax. So Emma and I went shopping! We first went grocery shopping to get some fruit and vegetables. Then we went to the bakery to get some bread and egg tart for Jack Jack (he loves egg tarts). Feeling like cheering up my little princess (I rarely buy her any toys, usually just books because I think some toys actually can 'limit' the creativity of a child) I thought "why not get Emma a tea party set today". Emma loves playing tea party, usually she will play at her friend's house. The good thing about Emma is that she doesn't nag me to buy her toys. One time she even said to me, "I really like that mommy but we don't need to buy it, I don't want to waste money. We have other toys at home" I was so touched!!

We went through every aisle in Toys R us, we looked at almost everything except the video games and baby sections. (note, Emma didn't ask me to get her anything, she just said "that's nice, this is nice too, oh look mommy, they have Thomas here.." she just really enjoy walking around looking at things). At the end, I told Emma, "mommy was thinking maybe I will get you a tea party set, would you like that?" and Emma was so excited, jumping up and down. So we found a pretty nice tea party set. Then, I saw some aluminum water bottle that are customized with names. We spent another 20min looking for Emma's name. At first we couldn't find it, but with the help of the salesperson, we found it at last. We also saw some nice princess prints wall borders, I thought, Emma's room is pretty plain compare to some other girls' room, maybe I should help Emma decorate it. Of course Emma loves it. After spending two hours there, we checked out. As we were walking out, we saw some sand boxes display outside the store. Emma saw them and said "wow, so nice"... I asked her if she really want one, she said "yes mommy, I love playing with sand" So I said if daddy said yes then we would buy it. We called daddy up, daddy talked to Emma on the phone... and said "ok, if she really likes it, we can get it. She can play with Jack in the backyard in the evening before dinner" that's better than watching TV I suppose.

Then, we made our last stop at Home Depot to get some play sand. My friend told me Home Depot has very good quality beach sand. So I haul this 20kg of play sand, 3 ft dia. sand box, bags of grocery, toys... back home.

While Princess Emma is napping after taking some Advil to keep her temp down; I prepared soup for tonight, fold laundry, and planning to pack away the winter clothes and pull out summer clothes for myself and Jack Jack (maybe for Emma too if I have time). Gee, what a busy day. But so happy too. Throughout today, I couldn't help but keep on thinking how blessed I am. Such beautiful kids, sweet hubby....

Lost

I remember when my friend's mother passed away, she was very sad and depressed. I couldn't understand her feelings, I tried to comfort her in the best way I could. Now looking back, my words probably didn't comfort her much. I realise what it means to really being able to comfort someone... is to "have been there" and share the same kind of pain the other person is feeling. It's so much easier to share happiness because everyone likes happiness. Everyone is willing to share your happiness. Everyone can find a way to relate to happiness. Yet, the burden of sadness, that's a different story. Even the closest person to you may not be able to share your burden of sadness. Not because that person doesn't want to share with you your sadness, it is his/ her ability to understand and relate that make them incapable. Who wants/ likes to get themselves in the deep pain when they "don't have to"? It's only intuitive for human to avoid "pain", it's self protective nature. Yet, if that person has been there, has experienced it, he/ she can connect with your feelings immediately. He/ she may not even need to say one comforting word, but just be there and shed tears with you and you already feel better, like someone has taken part of the burden away.

I miss my dad. I miss him and regret for not spending more time with him. Yes, he has his new family, his new life but that doesn't change the fact that I am still his blood related daughter. I feel so stupid now that I look back all the worries that prevented me from seeing him more, for caring for him more. At the end of the day, what matters? Other people's feelings? Other people's view? All I wish now is to be there for his last breathe, for his last few minutes on earth that I was there with him. To be there to say a last prayer with him, to hold his hand, to kiss him good-bye.

Emma and Jack Jack

Emma didn't eat her lunch again today. She took one bite, she didn't like it and she left it, went with a hungry stomach for the whole day just because she didn't like the sandwich I made her. Sigh, my stubborn little girl. I was so angry when I saw her lunch box, I started raising my voice. Not only did I worry about her health, angry with her pickiness, I am also sad to see the wasted food. I really hope she will grow out of her pickiness. Hearing me raise my voice and Emma started crying, Derek just said in his annoyed voice "can I have some quietness please?" That just fueled my anger further. Of course, my voice got even louder and Emma got more scared. I went to continue cooking dinner (at the same time, on top of the crying and mommy yelling, Jack Jack has to scream and asked to be picked up, he was hungry). Emma was told to stand at the corner until she stops crying and calmed down. Poor girl. Five minutes later, I hear this little voice whispering, "mommy, I want to pray for you....so you don't get mad.... be nice to me mommy". My heart softened, I picked her up and hugged her tight. We both calmed down. I explained to her why I was angry and we prayed together for patience and love for each other. Meanwhile, dinner was still cooking, Jack Jack had to come pull Emma away as he saw that mommy was holding sister but not him and he was still very hungry....
This is my life, my everyday life. Boring but challenging.

V-day and Family Day

How long has it been? Must have been more than 4 years. It's been more than 4 years since Derek and I went on a trip alone, without kids. Lately, it has been really exhausting. Work has been stressful, kids have been demanding, housework never ending. I felt burn out, trapped, boring. Daily life is just so boring. I thought to myself, is this it? Life is just like this, rush to work, rush home, cook dinner, rush rush rush, sleep... get up and start the rush routine all over again? Where did romance go? Where did excitement go?

More frustrating besides the stressful boring daily life, is to feel neglected and not appreciated. Thank God, my friend bought me a book called "How we love", I think everyone should read this book. It talks about understanding people, people that matter in your lives. It talks about how we become the persons we are today, from our childhood experiences, experiences that are stored in our subconscious memories. It talks about the different personality type or referred to as imprints in the book. The book is absolutely amazing, not only did I find out more about myself and why I react in certain ways, I learnt more and understand more about my own husband, whom I thought I know very well. Also, I learn about how I treat my kids will affect how they turn out as adults, as parents later on in their lives. From my perspective I felt un-loved, un-appreciated; yet, I found out that it was my husband's personality type - or imprints- that prohibited him from showing his compassion. He was just simply not taught to show love. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. The book is good in a way that it doesn't only tell you which imprint you fall into, it talks about how you can overcome your short falls. In short, there's hope. We can all overcome our short falls in our imprints, as long as we understand ourselves and be persistent in trying.

I talked to my husband about how I felt, in honesty and with love. Let him know that I am not trying to change him or pressure him, just want to be able to love him more and be better couple together. Be happier parents to provide happier home to our kids. Thank God, for His grace and mercy, Derek did listen and try to understand even though to him it was very hard.. almost like understanding another language. Derek made the effort of taking me on a 2-day trip to Montreal (mini-Paris as he referred) for a romantic alone getaway. Two-day trip was not a long time but he knew I would miss the kids too much if we went longer (he was right). It was short but it really revive the romantic memories. It revived our feelings for each other. It helped us focus on each other for 2 days, no computer, no work, no kids. After this trip, we both agreed we should have this getaway trip every year, just the two of us.