My Little Prince

Once upon a time there is a Little Prince, his name is Jack Jack. Prince Jack Jack is a very active boy - he climbs, he jumps, he pulls, he ripes, he bumps, he screams, he cries, he runs, he giggles, he laughs.... He is one stubborn little prince that needs a lot of patience, love and discipline.

Since the birth of Prince Jack Jack, mommy has quite intensive vocal exercises since she needs to scream/ yell from far away to stop Prince Jack Jack from doing silly and dangerous activities such as - climbing up to the table and jumping down, somersault on sofa (landed once on his head on the hardwood floor, thank God he wasn't badly hurt besides the big bruise on his head), and running full speed and knocking Princess Emma over. Whenever Prince Jack Jack is around, mommy needs to pay 120% attention, which has trained mommy to have supersonic hearing. Sometimes at the middle of the night, mommy can even wake up 5 seconds before Prince Jack Jack starts to cry (note with both mommy and Prince Jack Jack's bedroom doors closed). Besides the vocal and hearing exercises, mommy has also mastered sprinting. You see, mommy must out run Prince Jack Jack to prevent him from running into danger. One example would be the moment Prince Jack Jack gets unstrapped from the car seat and land on the ground. He would struggle off mommy's grip and dashes off into the parking lot, which is EXTREMELY dangerous. Most of the time, mommy could hang on to Prince Jack Jack's arm (thanks to mommy's nice tennis grip) but once in a while, Prince Jack Jack would succeed and dashes off. In such cases, mommy would be able to sprint in world record speed and retrieve Prince Jack Jack.
20 months after the arrival of Prince Jack Jack, mommy has become almost "super human" and also grown 10 years older due to the lack of sleep, rest and much added stress. Sometimes mommy even misses those days when she was free, relaxed, well rested.......

Then something amazing happened one day......
One night, at 1:34am, Prince Jack Jack cried and screamed at the top of his lungs for mommy... as usual, zombie mommy dragged her tired body into Prince Jack Jack's room, carried him from his crib down the stairs and into the kitchen.... pull out the mid-night magic - "Cheerio" pour it into Prince Jack Jack's bowl, sit his majesty down on his table and Prince Jack Jack started settling down to eat his favorite food... while zombie mommy is sitting half asleep beside Prince Jack Jack, Prince Jack Jack suddenly turned to look at mommy with a big grin on his face and said "Ma Ma, Yeah! Yeah!" and at the same time pumping his little arms like he is cheering for mommy for all her hard work. Mommy instantly woke up, sleepiness all gone... grab Prince Jack Jack and kissed him non-stop for at least a minute.

From then one, Prince Jack Jack has been throwing little surprises like that to mommy once in a while to cheer mommy up. Yesterday, Prince Jack Jack also did something impressive. Mommy was tidying things up as usual after dinner. While mommy was kneeling down on the floor tiding up the garbage bags to take outside, mommy felt a little tuck behind her... as she turned, she saw Prince Jack Jack has brought her the little stool to sit on (his favorite stool that he takes with him everywhere). "It's ALL worth it" mommy thought.

This is how the story of My Little Prince begins....

My Day Off

Today, my princess Emma is sick. Since last night, she has been having a fever. Apparently many children are having this "fever-cough" thing these two weeks. Due to the H1N1 panic, I immediate take the day off and took Emma to see the pediatrician. He said Emma is fine, just stay home, drink lots of fluid and keep on taking Advil to control the fever. I asked him if she has H1N1, not that she has been out of town, but who knows where the kids from her class has been to?! The doctor told me it's hard to say, nowadays, it doesn't really matter because H1N1 is actually just like any other flu, just keep an eye on her and keep her at home. As long as it doesn't get severe, she should be able to fight it off like any other flu.

Feeling relieved, I thought why not take advantage of today and relax. So Emma and I went shopping! We first went grocery shopping to get some fruit and vegetables. Then we went to the bakery to get some bread and egg tart for Jack Jack (he loves egg tarts). Feeling like cheering up my little princess (I rarely buy her any toys, usually just books because I think some toys actually can 'limit' the creativity of a child) I thought "why not get Emma a tea party set today". Emma loves playing tea party, usually she will play at her friend's house. The good thing about Emma is that she doesn't nag me to buy her toys. One time she even said to me, "I really like that mommy but we don't need to buy it, I don't want to waste money. We have other toys at home" I was so touched!!

We went through every aisle in Toys R us, we looked at almost everything except the video games and baby sections. (note, Emma didn't ask me to get her anything, she just said "that's nice, this is nice too, oh look mommy, they have Thomas here.." she just really enjoy walking around looking at things). At the end, I told Emma, "mommy was thinking maybe I will get you a tea party set, would you like that?" and Emma was so excited, jumping up and down. So we found a pretty nice tea party set. Then, I saw some aluminum water bottle that are customized with names. We spent another 20min looking for Emma's name. At first we couldn't find it, but with the help of the salesperson, we found it at last. We also saw some nice princess prints wall borders, I thought, Emma's room is pretty plain compare to some other girls' room, maybe I should help Emma decorate it. Of course Emma loves it. After spending two hours there, we checked out. As we were walking out, we saw some sand boxes display outside the store. Emma saw them and said "wow, so nice"... I asked her if she really want one, she said "yes mommy, I love playing with sand" So I said if daddy said yes then we would buy it. We called daddy up, daddy talked to Emma on the phone... and said "ok, if she really likes it, we can get it. She can play with Jack in the backyard in the evening before dinner" that's better than watching TV I suppose.

Then, we made our last stop at Home Depot to get some play sand. My friend told me Home Depot has very good quality beach sand. So I haul this 20kg of play sand, 3 ft dia. sand box, bags of grocery, toys... back home.

While Princess Emma is napping after taking some Advil to keep her temp down; I prepared soup for tonight, fold laundry, and planning to pack away the winter clothes and pull out summer clothes for myself and Jack Jack (maybe for Emma too if I have time). Gee, what a busy day. But so happy too. Throughout today, I couldn't help but keep on thinking how blessed I am. Such beautiful kids, sweet hubby....

Lost

I remember when my friend's mother passed away, she was very sad and depressed. I couldn't understand her feelings, I tried to comfort her in the best way I could. Now looking back, my words probably didn't comfort her much. I realise what it means to really being able to comfort someone... is to "have been there" and share the same kind of pain the other person is feeling. It's so much easier to share happiness because everyone likes happiness. Everyone is willing to share your happiness. Everyone can find a way to relate to happiness. Yet, the burden of sadness, that's a different story. Even the closest person to you may not be able to share your burden of sadness. Not because that person doesn't want to share with you your sadness, it is his/ her ability to understand and relate that make them incapable. Who wants/ likes to get themselves in the deep pain when they "don't have to"? It's only intuitive for human to avoid "pain", it's self protective nature. Yet, if that person has been there, has experienced it, he/ she can connect with your feelings immediately. He/ she may not even need to say one comforting word, but just be there and shed tears with you and you already feel better, like someone has taken part of the burden away.

I miss my dad. I miss him and regret for not spending more time with him. Yes, he has his new family, his new life but that doesn't change the fact that I am still his blood related daughter. I feel so stupid now that I look back all the worries that prevented me from seeing him more, for caring for him more. At the end of the day, what matters? Other people's feelings? Other people's view? All I wish now is to be there for his last breathe, for his last few minutes on earth that I was there with him. To be there to say a last prayer with him, to hold his hand, to kiss him good-bye.

Emma and Jack Jack

Emma didn't eat her lunch again today. She took one bite, she didn't like it and she left it, went with a hungry stomach for the whole day just because she didn't like the sandwich I made her. Sigh, my stubborn little girl. I was so angry when I saw her lunch box, I started raising my voice. Not only did I worry about her health, angry with her pickiness, I am also sad to see the wasted food. I really hope she will grow out of her pickiness. Hearing me raise my voice and Emma started crying, Derek just said in his annoyed voice "can I have some quietness please?" That just fueled my anger further. Of course, my voice got even louder and Emma got more scared. I went to continue cooking dinner (at the same time, on top of the crying and mommy yelling, Jack Jack has to scream and asked to be picked up, he was hungry). Emma was told to stand at the corner until she stops crying and calmed down. Poor girl. Five minutes later, I hear this little voice whispering, "mommy, I want to pray for you....so you don't get mad.... be nice to me mommy". My heart softened, I picked her up and hugged her tight. We both calmed down. I explained to her why I was angry and we prayed together for patience and love for each other. Meanwhile, dinner was still cooking, Jack Jack had to come pull Emma away as he saw that mommy was holding sister but not him and he was still very hungry....
This is my life, my everyday life. Boring but challenging.

V-day and Family Day

How long has it been? Must have been more than 4 years. It's been more than 4 years since Derek and I went on a trip alone, without kids. Lately, it has been really exhausting. Work has been stressful, kids have been demanding, housework never ending. I felt burn out, trapped, boring. Daily life is just so boring. I thought to myself, is this it? Life is just like this, rush to work, rush home, cook dinner, rush rush rush, sleep... get up and start the rush routine all over again? Where did romance go? Where did excitement go?

More frustrating besides the stressful boring daily life, is to feel neglected and not appreciated. Thank God, my friend bought me a book called "How we love", I think everyone should read this book. It talks about understanding people, people that matter in your lives. It talks about how we become the persons we are today, from our childhood experiences, experiences that are stored in our subconscious memories. It talks about the different personality type or referred to as imprints in the book. The book is absolutely amazing, not only did I find out more about myself and why I react in certain ways, I learnt more and understand more about my own husband, whom I thought I know very well. Also, I learn about how I treat my kids will affect how they turn out as adults, as parents later on in their lives. From my perspective I felt un-loved, un-appreciated; yet, I found out that it was my husband's personality type - or imprints- that prohibited him from showing his compassion. He was just simply not taught to show love. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. The book is good in a way that it doesn't only tell you which imprint you fall into, it talks about how you can overcome your short falls. In short, there's hope. We can all overcome our short falls in our imprints, as long as we understand ourselves and be persistent in trying.

I talked to my husband about how I felt, in honesty and with love. Let him know that I am not trying to change him or pressure him, just want to be able to love him more and be better couple together. Be happier parents to provide happier home to our kids. Thank God, for His grace and mercy, Derek did listen and try to understand even though to him it was very hard.. almost like understanding another language. Derek made the effort of taking me on a 2-day trip to Montreal (mini-Paris as he referred) for a romantic alone getaway. Two-day trip was not a long time but he knew I would miss the kids too much if we went longer (he was right). It was short but it really revive the romantic memories. It revived our feelings for each other. It helped us focus on each other for 2 days, no computer, no work, no kids. After this trip, we both agreed we should have this getaway trip every year, just the two of us.

God Bless America

Today is a historical day not only in American history but also in the world history. The 44th President of United States - Barack Obama, the first black American President!! I am not a politics follower but even I made the effort to sneak out of work at lunch today to watch the inauguration. The inauguration started off with an opening prayer which in my point of view was the most touching part. I especially like the part that goes "[God] Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world"and the prayer ended in saying the "Lord's prayer"



I don't know Barack Obama and what he has done before he became the president of USA, as I said, I don't follow politics and especially not the American politics. Yet, I feel touched seeing him becoming the first black American President. Can you imagine the number of black kids out there looking up to him and the hope Obama presents to these kids? Just imagine, parents telling their kids "if a black African immigrant can climb his way up to become the most powerful man on earth, you can also do it too kid, there's hope!"



I especially like Obama, not knowing what he has done or will do, base on the fact that he came from middle/ lower class family and worked his way up. He wasn't born into a "Presidential" family like George Bush, he worked hard to come to this day. He has seen people across different classes face different challenges, he doesn't take things for granted, he knows humility. I like the part of his speech that says

"Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

How we all need these awakening words, not just Americans. Honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism, these values are so hard to find nowadays. Are we not of a generation full of "fast tracking", "work smart, not work hard", "if someone else can do it, let them do it", "let money work for us, we don't need to work hard, that's old school".... etc. It's such sad phenomenon yet so overwhelmingly popular, it's hard to fight and stand firm on your own values. As a parent, I worry for my kids. Try as hard as I might, I cannot be sure that these "old school" values can be taught well to my children that when temptations come, they will still stand firm on these "old school" values. Even I am not sure I myself can stand firm when tempted. How glad and touched I was when I heard Obama spoke those words!! May God Bless Obama, Bless America and Bless the rest of the world through this newly inaugurated President.

Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

All of a sudden, I am thinking of a bunch of "oldies" songs:

"I believe the children are our are future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be ..."

Looking at my children, how I can not marvel at God's creation and His amazing love? How can I not give thanks and feel blessed. How can anyone look at a new born baby and believe we are a product of some random evolution? Every part of our body so perfectly designed, so beautiful. I remember holding my new born baby for the very first time, and this rush of intuitive love just rushed into my heart. The minute the nurse handed him to me, as I held him, he stopped crying instantly, slowly opened his eyes, and beamed me the most amazing smile, showing his two cute little dimples. At that moment, I felt no pain, no worry, just pure joy. I couldn't stop but kept kissing him. Filled with amazement, felt so blessed. My children, they are truly gifts in my life.

Looking at my children grow, it really gives me a chance to "grow" once more. Things that I missed as a child, I get a "second chance" to try them out. It's amazing how I remember my childhood (feelings in particular) so vividly. I get to learn to sing children's songs I never knew before, I get to play with toys I wanted but never got before, I get to watch the cartoons I never watched as a child, I get to read fairy tales I never read before. But better, I get to relive my childhood with my own children!! How amazing is that?!

As I "relive" my childhood this second time, I am starting to understand my parents more. I understand why things happened the way they did and the difficulties my parents faced before. At the same time, I understand my children too when they did what seems to be "bad things" in other people's eyes. I remember myself doing and acting the same way as a child too.

Looking at my children, I sometimes wish I can just think and act like them, in such simplicity, with such pure heart. Whatever they want, they just point to it and let you know they want it. When they are sad, they cry, when they are happy, they laugh. Very simple, very direct. Sometimes when my daughter, Emma cries, I tell her to stop crying, but you know what, I shouldn't tell her to stop. I didn't before, when she was younger, I used to just hold her close to me until she stops. What happened? As we grow, people expect us to hide our feelings, is that what it is? We made our children complex, don't we? We should really let them be children while they can still "be children".